Overview

I think I titled this correctly..... So I’m 34 (about to be 35 in June). My husband walked out on me the end of June last year. I was married to a cheating, emotionally and verbal abusive man that suffers from a narcissistic personality for 14 years. I lost myself during that time... I had no joy.... I was run down to sadness and anger. Always in my head thinking when my husband wasn't with me if he was with someone else. My heart is intuitive and I could always feel when my husband wasn’t being faithful to me. At the time my husband left my self value and self esteem was at like a whopping 0. Over the years my husband would say no one would want me, everything about me wasn’t normal, I was a “bigger” girl, insinuate all the time i was ugly, etc... everytime he cheated on me it was because something I did or he would deny the fact even when I was showing him a picture he had taken of being in sexual acts with other people. Yes when I found these pictures 5 or 6 years into the marriage I should of left but I was so “in love” (or thought I was) I forgave him. My husband was not a good husband to me but some how I was so sickly in love with him. It still puzzles me today how I was especially since he was a serial cheater. I remember my husband acting weird the last few months before he left. I started finding receipts where his morning coffee on his way to work turned into 2. He started leaving for work at 5am instead of 630 am. He changed the way he dressed completely. He lost a lot of weight. I would have to yell at him to come to bed every night to sleep. He was attatched to his phone 24/7. He would even take his phone into the bathroom when taking a shower. I would see him go into the bathroom and next thing I know I heard the flash on his camera going off. I’m like why the heck is he taking photos of himself in the bathroom. I would question him about his unusual behavior but it was all in my head according to him because I was crazy. He would get so angry and would literally walk outside to sit in a chair for 6 plus hours on his phone. We live in Phoenix. It was a hundred degrees outside and he wouldn’t come back in until 10 or 11 hours later.  It nothing was going on with him and anyone else. I remember the weekend before he left he was on a trip for work that he went every year to work the salon and beauty show for con air. He worked the booth selling the hair dryers, straighteners, etc... but this time a couple weeks before I saw he had booked a hotel room. Which was weird because his work pays for one and why would he book one at circus circus. Mind you I got so mad when he was away when he was yelling at me when I was asking for his help trying to jump start my car because the battery had died. No one was around to help me and I didn’t know where to put the cables at on the car battery. It was super hot so my phone was malfunctioning from overheating. I got so mad I cancelled his hotel reservation. I remember at this time he said he was leaving for the day at work until I cancelled his reservation. Magically within minutes of cancelling his hotel reservations he had to go back to work. Lol anyways he left days after he got back from this trip. This is when the adventures of the dating stories begins for Bethany. Lol